Signed with Love
by Missing-heartPieces
Summary: What if Edward never came back in New Moon, and Bella got into Dartmouth all on her own? What happens when a class project anonymously pairs her with someone from her past? Can love find a way back in? Rated M for future chapters ?
1. All the things I've done

**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters any of the twilight franchise...its all the lovely Stephanie Meyer's **

_It's been one year, seven months, and 13 days since he left. _

_He left with my mind, my body, my soul, my reason for existing_

Since that day in September when Edward left I have been nothing but a shell of myself. A fragile casing that could crack under the smallest amount of pressure. No not even a shell that can break, that requires emotion of some kind, I was more like a suit. A cardboard cutout that made it from point A of the beginning of the day to the ending point B.

I would say that I don't understand why he left, but I do. It never made sense for Edward to love me. His perfection was something that my miserable humanistic self could never compare to. But still, he had once loved me. Once I had a taste of how strong love could be there was no coming back from it. I couldn't even fool myself into living, let alone fool anyone else around me. A strain had been put on Charlie and me's relationship for a while now. I know he just wanted what was best for me but honestly, he would never understand. Though, with college coming up he wouldn't have to pretend everything was ok much longer. Granted, I thought Charlie would be happy, ever since Edwa..._He _left, sometimes its hard to even think his name after all this time, my school work was as pristine as the crowned jewels in England. My grades were miraculously flawless. I even got in to Dartmouth all by myself, no help needed; I had even surprised myself on that one. Although the only reason I applied was because it made me feel a little closer to what I had lost.

So that was it, in less than 3 weeks I would be going off to New Hampshire to college. But against Charlie's wishes I had decided to sign up only for online classes the first semester. I just wasn't prepared to be around that many new people. They would undoubtedly ask me what the hell my problem was and why I insisted on walking around like a zombie and this was defiantly a story I wasn't ready to tell. So when I told Charlie that I wanted to take online classes for the first semester he freaked out about me going at all.

* * *

"_Bell! How am I supposed to be okay with you on the other side of the country, if when you get there, you don't want to come out to see the light of day!" he screamed. _

"_Dad, really I'll be fine. It will just be easier for me to ease into it." I said weakly. _

"_Bella," he paused with hesitation in his voice. "It's been over a year honey," he was suddenly more calm and compassionate. "Don't you think it's time you tried to put all of this behind you and start to move on?" _

_I looked at him like he was asking me to do the most vial of things. He couldn't possibly understand, I knew this but it still didn't stop my anger. _

"_DAD YOU DON'T GET DO YOU!?! I'M TRYING BUT IT'S MY LIFE AND I'M GONNA DO IT THE WAY I WANT! YOU'RE NOT PAYING FOR IT ANYWAY OK!" He winced a little as I acknowledge his lack of financial input in my upcoming education. I knew I had taken a low blow, but I needed to get my point across. Phil offered to pay for my college after he got signed into the major's and after discussing it with Renee and Charlie we decided this would be the best option. _

"_Look Dad, I didn't mean it like that, it's just, that I really need to go slow with this ok? I can't push myself too far. Besides, it's just a semester. In the spring I'll be gallivanting with all the rest of the Ivy League snobs. K?" _

_"Yea ok Bells, I just worry about you is all." _

_"I know dad, I love you for it. But really, I'll be ok."  


* * *

_

We decided that Charlie would drive me to the airport and I would go to New Hampshire by myself because I didn't have much to move in anyway. I convinced Charlie that it would be a waste of money to come all the way to New Hampshire just to drop me off.

"Well Bells, I guess this is it?" Charlie said as we stood at the terminal. "I can't believe how fast the time has gone by since you came to live with me. I just wanna tell you how proud I am of you. You know that right?"

"Yea dad, I know. I'm gonna miss you too."

Charlie looked at me with what I could swear were tears. "I love you so much Bells, take care of yourself. Call me as soon as you land."

"I will dad, bye." I hugged him and handed the boarding lady my ticket.

As I was walking down the corridor to the plane I sighed. I sat down in my coach window seat and pondered. The seat belt sign came on and before I knew it we were in the air. As we started to descend I looked down at the New Hampshire view and realized I was crying. I couldn't control my hysterics. What was wrong with me, did I miss Forks that much already?

Then his name flashed _…Edward…_ This place reminded me of him and the hole in my chest ached for fulfillment that I knew wouldn't come. This place was gonna be the death of me…what had I gotten myself into?

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**AN: What do you think? This is my first fanfic, so go easy on me! : ) **


	2. Lit 103

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight!**

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The Campus was beautiful and under much different circumstances, I too would have been walking around with my parents awing the beautiful foliage and monstrous buildings. But instead I just took my stuff to my room, checked myself in and collapsed on my bed.

Thank god, I convinced Charlie to let me get a private room. I didn't even unpack or make my bed I just collapsed and fell asleep. I woke up at about nine, after a 3 hour fiesta. I lazily walked to my suitcase and drug out my laptop. I set it up and connected to the network. It's amazing how much faster this internet was here. At home in Forks all we had was a computer that resembled a large box and a dial up connection. Charlie had insisted that since he was not paying for college he would get me a new lap top. I had to admit it was amazingly sleek; it was black and silver with large speakers on the upper corners. It even had a built in web cam so I could see Renee and Charlie without going to visit. I pulled out my blankets and half made my bed so it would be ready when I crashed later.

I checked my new Dartmouth e-mail account and I had a few new messages about welcoming me to the university and the first week of classes and all that jazz. I also had one from my online literature professor. It was entitled, "Assignment 1". Of course I would pick the one professor that would assign homework before classes are even in session.

_Dear 103 Literature Students, _

_On behalf of all of Dartmouth, I would like to welcome you all to one of the finest Ivy's in the nation. My name is Professor Dillinger; I am a senior professor here at Dartmouth. I received my Doctrine from this very establishment. I am head of the Literary Department and would like to welcome you to Introduction to literary subjects. This is a class I specially designed to make online interaction personable and relatable to free lance writing. The subject matter changes every semester because; I make the class so I have the prerogative to change the course at any time. I believe that this keeps the course refreshing. This semester I have decided that we will be focusing on pen names. _

_As most of you know, or rather, should know, a pen name is a pseudo name used by an author to conceal his/her identity. When we look at famous authors who are known for their pen names like, Mark Twain (Samuel Langhome Clemens), Voltaire (François- Marie Arouet), Boz (Charles Dickens), or Lewis Carroll (Charles Lutwidge Dogson), we have to ponder their reasoning for choosing to keep their identity secret. Perhaps because they were afraid of criticism, or maybe it gave them the will to write, knowing that no one would know who they were. So this semester you will choose your own pen name. It must be something significant to you and you must have reasons that you chose it for there will be a later assignment that entails this. Once you have chosen your pen name then send it to me via e-mail. I will then pair you with a random student in you class. You will create an e-mail account for you pen name and I will give you your partners, "pen," e-mail address. You will be paired with this person throughout the semester. You will be submitting approximately 5 assignments about different things; your partner will be there to critique you and give you feed back how they see fit. I expect that there will be the utmost courtesy in these responses, though. You must not, at any time, unless duly noted otherwise, reveal your real name to your partner. Doing so will mean an automatic, "F," for both you and your partner. This is so you can really get the effect of what society would have thought of your writing if they did not know it was you. Your first assignment is to come up with your pen name. I expect this assignment by Monday morning. _

_I look forward to hearing from you soon! _

_Best Regards, _

_Professor Dillinger_

_

* * *

_

I was almost ok with the fact that I would only be sharing my work with one other person, and it wouldn't even be the teacher! Well at least they would never know who I was. Now, the problem was picking a pen name. He said to pick something that meant something to us, easier said than done. The fact remained nothing was important to me anymore. _Crap_…it was now 11:30 on Sunday night; it was due in a half an hour. _Screw it_… I just typed the first thing that came to mind and hit the send button.

Elizabeth Masen

I knew I would regret this later, so rather than dwell on it now I shut my computer and crawled into bed.

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**EPOV**

Tristan Dyre…that would be my pen name. Tristen was Celtic and Dyre was Scandinavian. The meaning together described me simply, _sad heart_. This seemed suitable. I e-mailed it and stared at my computer a little longer. This was not my first time at college, for sure, but it was however the first online class I had ever taken. I needed something, anything to take up the nights. Something to distract me from the times I thought of her most. My Bella.

That was just it, she wasn't mine anymore. She was his. That stupid wretched sorry excuse for a man, werewolf. That luck stricken pot of gold stealing, I would give anything in the world to be him now, Jacob…and she was happy.

The month after I left her were the worst days of my existence. I left to protect her and it was harder than anything I had ever had to do. I sat in darkness for days wallowing in myself pity. Music for the first time could not soothe me, for it reminded me of her. It was early November when I decided that I could not do it anymore, I was fighting a love too strong to be held down by anything, I had to return to Forks. So I made a phone call that forever changed everything.

_Ring ….ring…..rin.."hello?"_

_Hi err…umm hello, Jacob._

"_What do you want bloodsucker." _

"_I just wanted you and the pack to know that my family and I are coming back, all of us. I did not want to startle you and the other," I resisted the sudden urge to call them dogs, "um members of the pack. I will be home later this evening to see Bella and.." he cut me off. _

"_She doesn't want to see you!" _

"_Well thanks, but I would rather have her tell me that herself. Bella doesn't need anyone to speak for her." _

"_Well seeing as you used to do all the talking for her when you were her boyfriend, I guess it's suitable for me to speak for her now." I suddenly felt a gut wrenching pain in my chest. _

"_What do you mean by that Jacob?"_

"_Exactly what it sounds like leech. Bella and I are together. We are happy, and the last thing she wants is you and your bloodsucking abandoning family to come back here and stir up trouble."_

_My mind could not function; I could not formulate a sentence. "She is truly happy?" I managed to wince out. _

"_Ya so why don't you just leave us alone."_

"…_ok Jacob," and I hung up the phone. She had moved on liked I'd hoped and I was the sorry shmuck that wished she wouldn't. _

After that, life wasn't as agonizing, heartbroken yes, but at least I knew Bella was happy. This gave me at least some peace; knowing that she could have a normal happy life without the hazards of a dangerous boyfriend. After my family and I were gone Jacob and his pack would have no need for their wolf forms anymore so they could live happily ever after together.

He could live my happily ever after with my Bella.

I didn't see my family much these days; in fact I never really saw anything anymore. I stayed in the seclusions of my apartment I had found off campus, and only came out to hunt when necessary. I had decided to go to Dartmouth as a way to remind myself of Bella. I suppose it was some sort of fulfilling pain/wonderful reminder of her. This was where I had dreamed of us going for a while now. Now it was my own personal hell, but I relished in it because it brought me back to thoughts of her. It was truly bitter sweet.

So this online class would be just another, "distraction." To get me through all I had left to exist for....time


	3. Online Truths

**AN: I want to give a shout out to Azreal Leigh for my first review!!! It was greatly appreciated! I also have attemped to start writing in more than one perspective so let me know what you think about it : ) **

**Disclaimer..Sadly not mine!**

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_Dear 103 Students, _

_Thank you all for you promptness in returning your pen names. Now, for you first writing assignment. You will e-mail your, "pen pal," (I thought that was a quip ha-ha!). You will tell them why you decided on Dartmouth; and why you decided on taking this class online rather than a regular classroom setting. You will respond on your partner's message as you see fit, remember to be respectful. If you so choose you may respond to the criticism or questions you partner has for you. This is a very open ended class, so feel free in your writing. If you follow the guidelines this will be the first, "A," you earn here at Dartmouth. This assignment is due by Sunday at 5:00pm. Attached is your partner's new e-mail address, remember that not at anytime may you reveal your real name to your partner. _

_Best Regards, _

_Professor Dillinger_

**BPOV**

My classes were relatively easy so far. My math class was just a normal math class except I completed subjects on-line and then was quizzed over them. My biology class required a little bit of extra work. The professor told us that it would require us going on our own personal field trip to someplace scientific that she would assign later. I was taking an on-line computer class. I was already introduced to word and all that when I still lived in Phoenix so I was a pro. Then there was this class, Lit 103. I wasn't sure how I felt about it yet, but I guess I'm about to figure it out. I opened the attachment… and the unfortunate winner is…..

Here we go.

I came here because it's a good school….no, that wasn't right…_DELETE_

I came here because my dad wanted me to get out of my small town…not the truth either…_DELETE DELETE DELETE! _

Alright, I never have to meet this person so why not just let some of it out.

_I came to Dartmouth for many reasons. I came here to make my family worry less; I haven't really been myself lately. I lost a part of me about a year ago and it still remains that I haven't gotten it back. Honestly, this place kind of reminds me of what I lost, in a good way. It's sad to think about it but I also realize I have to think about it, it helps me get through the day._

_I picked this class online for relatively the same reason. I am actually taking all of my classes online. I guess I'm not ready to face the wrath of the full blow college scene yet. I guess that's it for now. _

_Elizabeth Masen _

I sent the e-mail and decided to write in my journal for a while. I started this about a year ago, I found that writing down everything I could about him helped me remember, not that I could ever forget him. When I started my journal the pain had subsided slightly but was still there. It had dimmed enough that I could write the feelings down; before it was so overwhelming it could knock the wind out of someone twice my size. Writing in my journal had to some kind of sick therapy, I guess. After a while I drifted off, pen still in hand, to dreams full of him.

* * *

**EPOV**

I opened the e-mail and read it; I was actually somewhat excited about this class the professor seemed to be creative. I had never taken a course before but this wasn't what I was expecting. I was expecting lots of reading and lots of papers. I opened the attachments nonchalantly….

_I suppose I should start by saying that I think that Dartmouth is a very prestigious university so coming here was an easy choice, but I chose it for so much more. I suppose in a way I had a vision about coming here. Although unfortunately this vision is far from my reality; not because of anything this university has caused but for my own selfish faults. So in coming here I guess I get a little piece of that dream. _

_I decided to take this course online because I have a lot of free time. I suppose you could say I have a lot of trouble sleeping, a year ago I had things to surpass this time but it has left me fleetingly. I found myself thinking of things in this time now; things that I'm sure would seem unhealthy. So I decided to take this class to keep me from thinking so much. Someone I used to know thought that I overanalyzed a lot so this class is to help resolve that. _

_-Tristen Dyre_

After sending off my first assignment I realized that I had a new message. I opened it and read it. I couldn't help the eerie feeling that crept over me as I read the words on the screen. What was my problem? I began to feel the utmost remorse and pity for this person and their pain. I wanted to find them and tell them I was sorry for their hurting, but why?

Then I read the last two words on the page and I couldn't feel my legs. I read the e-mail what seemed like a hundred times but my eyes always resided back to the last two words…_Elizabeth Mason_….was this a cruel coincidence or could it be? A million thoughts were running through my complex mind but they all revolved around her, My Bella.

I was momentarily distracted by the buzzing on my phone. I looked at the caller ID and my pixie haired sisters name filtered across the screen. I ignored it because at that moment I realized this was real, my Bella was here, she was writing to ME! If my heart could beat it would be racing. But then it would have faulted again as the realization crept over me. She wasn't mine anymore she was his…and I …..was…..in hell.

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**I know its short but I will update soon!**

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	4. Rain, rain go away

**AN: Sorry it took so long to update, I worked alot this weekend and writers block : ( ....but enjoy as always please review :) **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight **

**EPOV**

For the first time in over a hundred years I was at a loss for words, not just words but thoughts as well. What was I to do? I wanted to write back immediately and tell her it was me and I was sorry and I loved her…but I couldn't for a number of reasons. For one, we would both fail the course, and I couldn't do that to her. And to add to it, I did not want to upset her. I was glad she was happy and I didn't want to ruin that for her. But I couldn't shake the feeling that this message did not sound like she was happy. Was it wrong to want to talk to her, I decided because she did not know it was me, it would be harmless; and for the next few months I would be in contact with her and my life would be semi complete with mere communication with her. So I type a response…

_Dear Elizabeth, _

_It seems we have some reasoning in common in choosing Dartmouth. I hope you find what you are looking for here, but know that you should not be afraid of people I'm sure you are more wonderful than you even know. What other classes are you taking besides Lit 103; do you think any of them will be hard? Do you like it here in New Hampshire; it's quite astonishing here isn't it. Although I must admit I have seen things that captured beauty in more accurate manner. _

_Until we speak again, _

_Tristen_

O and p.s. I am so utterly and completely in love you with and would run to the ends of the earth if you merely had an interest in seeing it. Well at least, that's what I wanted to say.

**BPOV**

I didn't plan on responding to my, "pen pals," e-mail but when he responded to my so kindly I decided it would be rude not to.

_Tristen,  
It appears we do have our reasoning in common. Thank you for your kind words but the things I'm looking for I'm afraid are lost beyond finding, but I will get by. I am taking the usual general ed courses Bio, Computers, Math, that kind of stuff, they all seem pretty simple, or at least so far. To be honest I haven't seen much but the inside of my room, I don't get out much, but I hear things here are beautiful. _

_-Elizabeth_

It seemed odd to me that the person I had been paired with was so sincere. It also struck a nerve that he seemed so interested; my message had been generic and uneventful. It was almost as if he knew me. I finished some of my math subjects online and decided to fix something to eat. I got a bowl down from the cabinet and pulled out the Easy Mac. All I had in my room was a microwave and I refused to live off that awful stuff they call Ramen, so Easy Mac it was.

That was one down fall of dorm life, no stove in which to cook on. I curled up on my bed and flipped on the T.V. ironically enough I landed on the weather channel. Rain, rain, and more rain, not that I wasn't used to it, but even if I would have wanted to explore it would be to crappy outside. I almost felt pity for myself; I had literally not seen the light of day since I got here. I decided for my sanity I needed to get out tomorrow, come rain or come shine I would go out to see something, anything…

I woke up the next morning and sure enough the clouds were out with no sun in sight. I decided to walk down the street to the nearby park and recreation center. I normally wasn't one to be outdoors all the time, I fall a lot. But, I figured, since I could walk there it would suffice.

I put on my rain boots, a gift from Sue Clearwater for graduation; ever since her husband Harry died she spent a lot of time with me and my dad. I didn't mind of course I loved Sue. She insisted that if I was going to go somewhere with a similar climate to Forks then they would be a must have. She was no Alice, but Sue liked to shop, especially for other people. They were solid purple with pink around the rims, not exactly the color I would have chosen but I was just glad they didn't have some obnoxious print on them. I put on my rain coat and I walked outside.

It was cold but I didn't shiver, I kept it freezing in my room. The boots were awkward to walk in so I would probably fall sometime today. It was less than a mile away so I was there in about ten minutes. I really hadn't thought about what I would do once I got there. So I just sat motionless on one of the swings. I inhaled the scent of the trees mixed with the rain and mulch. It was intoxicating. I hadn't realized how much I missed the air.

I took out my favorite books, _Wuthering Heights_, from my raincoat pocket and started to read it. I had read this book so many times I could probably quote it word for word but it held a sort of constant fascination for me. After a few chapters an eerie feeling crept over me. I was being watched. I looked around and saw nothing, but I decided it was time to head back anyway. As I was passing by the nearby fountain I heard the roar of a car on the opposite road. I whirled around to see and I swear I saw the back end of what I thought was a silver Volvo speeding away into the distance.

**EPOV**

I knew it was wrong but I could help myself. I found the dorms she was staying in and spent the majority of my days waiting outside of them, yearning to catch even a glimpse of her. Finally after a few days I saw my beauty emerge. She was wearing big rain boots and a sudden concern rushed over me at the thought of how awkward they would be for her to walk, she would probably fall and I would have to resist the urge to run at the speed of light to catch her.

She walked to the nearest park and I decided to drive so I wouldn't attract attention to myself. I didn't want people to see me watching her and then tell her she had some guy stalker who just happened to be a vampire…ok the last part was a bit of an exaggeration but I still couldn't risk her seeing me. So I sat in my Volvo studying her every move. She took out a book after swinging for a few minutes. I didn't have to look at the book to know which one it was. She had taken that book with her a lot when we were together. After about a while she got a weird expression on her face and I knew it was time to leave. It killed me, I didn't want this time to be over yet but I sped away anyway, I just prayed that she didn't see.

**BPOV**

I was running now, but because I was scared but because the gaping hole in my chest was clawing at the darkness again. It couldn't have been. It was just some cruel joke that fate dangled in front of me. It was raining again so the ground was extra slick. I slipped running up the stairs to the dorm and fell down the whole flight, solo predictable Bella… I didn't care about the pain I just got back up and continued running till I made it to the destination of my bed.

My body shuttered as the tears exploded from my eyes. My body felt like an earthquake and I was going to break open at any moment. I thought of my family. The ones that left me, I thought of Esme and Carlisle and Emmett and Rose and Jasper and Alice. I loved them so much why, how, could they ever leave me. And ….Edward, my body shook just to think his name, my cries became so heavy that nothing but silent sobs were echoing my room. I must have fell asleep because I dreamt of that day in the forest, when Edward broke my heart, but only this time it was different. He didn't say he was leaving, he told me he loved me and he would always be there. This was the worst kind of nightmare, because it led me to happiness I know could never exist for me again.

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	5. a muse me

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AN: Thank you for the reviews!!! Coming up in the next few chapters we will find out what Alice has to say about all this as well as the rest of the Cullen's? What will happen? Will Edward tell Bella it's him???? Review please???

**_Disclaimer: Do not own Twilight_**

_Dear 103 students, _

_I hope you are enjoying your time at Dartmouth, you have almost completed your first month here and the fact that you have survived is a feat in and of itself. I hope you enjoyed your first assignment. I have gotten many concerned e-mails from some of you. It seems you are anxious from the lack of direction given so far; you are afraid you are not doing the assignments right. Let me stress to you that as long as you are completing this assignment you are fine. Again, I want to stress that this is help to expand your freelance and creative writing skills. Your second assignment has cascaded upon us! Tell your partner something that you are passionate about. Share with them some details about what gives you comfort in life. For an extra three points, (generous I know), tell them your greatest fear! Remember students keep those brains stimulated! _

_P.S. My greatest fear are ants….the little black ones, (where there is one, there are a thousand) EEK!!_

_Best Regards, _

_Professor Dillinger_

**EPOV**

Out of fear of discovery I had stayed clear of Bella these past couple weeks. So, when I received our second assignment I found myself anxious and excited, followed by a rush of guilt. I had no right to want contact with her.

Dearest Bella…Damnit! I typed it subconsciously and cursed my own stupidity. DELETE…

_Dear Elizabeth,_

_There are few things in life that I am passionate about, one I cannot possibly explain how utterly important it is to my existence. It calms me. Unfortunately, out of my own stupidity I can no longer find solace in it for it is no longer within my grasp. _

_I suppose in a far second would be music. I play the piano. Although lately, I have found myself incapable of writing music. There was a time where it poured from me. I was an artist with the most exquisite muse that Beethoven himself would have been jealous of. More often now I sit at the keys aimlessly with no sprit to move my fingers over the now lifeless keys. They hold no peace anymore._

_My worst fear? I don't know if you could call it my fear as much as my reality. I suppose a few years ago it would have been that I would never find companionship. But now it is the loss of it. Do you ever wish that you could go back and change one moment, fix it, and your life as you know it would alter drastically? I suppose we could constitute that as my greatest fear now, the fear that I will never be able to undo my mistakes. _

_-Tristen_

**BPOV**

There were many things about my pen pal that seemed odd to me. For one, his message always came in the middle of the night, and two he seemed almost as tortured as me.

Everything the past few days had reminded me of Edward. The cold, the rain, even this e-mail. It was becoming constant and it sucked. It turns out that my mysterious partner too played the piano. I am sure that he probably could not hold a candle to Edwards's exquisite artistry. But I also found comfort in this message, a stranger who I could talk to. I could be completely honest and it wouldn't matter how crazy he thought I was because he would never know me. I wrote the response to his letter in tandem with my own assignment and ironically enough I felt the words flowing out of me faster than my fingers could type them. It was like my pain was running out of places to hide and soon it was going to start seeping out of my pores.

_Tristen, _

_Passion, maybe a couple of years ago would have held a meaning for me. But today it is foreign to me. It seems nothing holds my passion anymore. I used to appreciate things, stop and inhale the scent of the day, admire beauty in the world; even reading has lost its grace for me. I don't really have a hobby, in less you count being clumsy as one, and then I'm all but enthralled with that one. _

_I knew someone once that played the piano. His music brought everything in my world alive. He was the most talented person I have ever met. His music brought calm for others and himself. I have seen firsthand how healing it can be. It's a great passion to have and I hope you find it again soon. _

_My fear...I guess I would say I have the fear of getting older. Not because I'm afraid of wrinkles or something superficial like that but for other reasons. I'm afraid of time passing in general. I feel as if each day is less time I have to fix what broken pieces of myself I have left. _

_I think that we should all be allowed one do over. We should get to pick one moment in time to go back and change the outcome. I wish that there were second chances like that…_

_Elizabeth_

**EPOV**

As I read the words on the screen I realized something could not be right. This was not the happy Bella; I had been led to believe by that dog, was true. This message seemed pained. She had mentioned me though; did that mean that she didn't hate me like I thought? She said music brought me alive. It always amazed me how much Bella neglected to see that it was her that brought me alive. I couldn't help but chuckle at the part that referenced her clumsiness. I loved that about her, she was gracefully a mess. I had to find a way to see if Jacob had hurt her, I would kill him. I couldn't stop myself from typing the response I had to know…

_Dear Elizabeth, _

_It is distressing to hear that you are so sad. Surely you have to find happiness in something right? Is there not someone special in your life that makes it worth living? _

_Tristen_

**BPOV**

Wow, this guy had nerve. But I suppose if the question didn't bring traumatic memories I wouldn't have taken offense to it. So instead of blowing up in a ferocious response I typed one word and hit send.

_Tristen, _

_No…_

_Elizabeth_

This class was beginning to get under my skin but yet a part of me was nervously eager to find out what the next assignment would be.

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	6. Important Apology from the Author!

**AN:** I'm sorry its taking so long to update guys. I've been working a lot this past week and now I have alot of finals, hopefully I will have an update by the end of this weekend. I have been writhing bits and pieces whenever I have time. I'm soooo sorry again. But the good news is school is almost over and next Thursday I will be home so I will be writhing non-stop!! I have a direction that I'm taking the story and i'm really excited about it so stick with me please???


	7. Alice, has a twin?

**AN: Hey guys I'm sorry it's up late but its still the weekend so I made it! This chapter is kind of a filler and set up for the next few chapters. My finals are over on Thursday and I have a lot of places I want to take this story so I'll get to write them down soon. Thank you to all of my reviewers you really make my day!!! **

**Disclaimer: Still not mine : ) **

**EPOV**

"What am I supposed to do Alice…barge into her dorm room and tell her that I have secretly been stalking her and intruding on her thoughts through e-mail!?! Ya that really says to a girl, I'm so sorry. I love you! Take me back!" …_doubtful._

"Edward you have to do something." My pixie haired sister said.

"I know", I pinched the bridge of my nose between my fingers. "But what if she doesn't want to talk to me? What if all coming back into her life does is hurt her again?"

"She deserves to know the truth Edward, that you love her. She should make an informed decision between you and Jacob." His name made me wince. It stung to think of Bella caring for him. But my sister was right; now that I started talking to her I didn't think I could stop.

"So what's it gonna be Edward."

"Just let me think about it Alice."

"Well you better think fast because I'm calling Charlie!"

"Have you gone mad Alice, you know that is not an option. I told her it would be as if we never existed."

"Whatever, Edward, I can speak for the rest of us when we say, we miss her. We're tired of not having her around."

"Alice every second of everyday I miss her. Don't you know that? I feel empty without her. I just want to find the best way to tell her. Don't make this any harder than it is."

"Fine Edward."

As she walked out of the room I realized she was right…I had to do something. I opened my computer and started to type.

I probably sounded like a babbling idiot will all the obnoxious questions but I couldn't help myself. The truth is I needed to know something, anything about what was going on in her life. I was beginning to lose all of my sanity, now not only am I a sad, pathetic monster, but now I'm crazy. Ok, that was a bit of an overstatement but I was really going to have to figure out how to deal with all this soon.

* * *

**BPOV**

An e-mail from Tristen? CRAP, did I forget a deadline! I frantically searched my inbox and I didn't find one. So I opened the message…

_Elizabeth, _

_I know we have not had another assignment ye, but I thought I would write to see how you were doing? Have you gotten a chance to get out and see anything yet? Are you excited for Halloween? Do you have a costume picked out? I know it's a while away but do you have plans for Thanksgiving break yet? Are you going home? Anyway, I just thought I would drop in and say hello._

_Tristen _

Wow, I didn't expect that one. I must really be turning into a sad individual when even a person I've never met starts to worry about me. I started to type a reply. I had gotten a few sentences when there was a knock at my door. Who in the world…nobody I know even goes here? I haven't spoken to anyone since I arrived…KNOCK KNOCK !! My thoughts were interrupted. "O, umm coming," I replied.

I opened the door to see a tall blonde standing in my doorway with a clip board in hand. "Hi, umm," she pondered looking at her clipboard again, "you must be Bella! I'm your resident associate, Nicole," she said with a chipper tone.

"Hi, nice to meet you."

"We are having a mandatory floor meeting in a couple of minutes. We just gonna go over some rules for the year and then we have snacks and soda so you can get to know the girls on your floor and mingle."

"Ok, sounds good."

As she was walking away I couldn't help but be taken aback by her overly bubbly attitude. I didn't mean to say it out loud but I did. "Boy the girl is waaaay to…"

"Happy?" a voice finished my thoughts. A small red head stood staring back at me with a less offensive smile on her face.

"That's exactly what I thought too," she said holding her hand out to shake mine. "My name is Suzie; I'm in the room right down the hall. Room 201. I haven't seen you around campus, what's your major?"

"I'm undeclared right now; I'm actually taking all on-line classes this semester so I haven't been out much."

"Right on, that's cool. I'm undecided too, but I think I'm going to go into Theater."

She looked the part. She was defiantly and artsy person. Her outfit screamed it. She wore a tie-dyed shirt with skinny jeans. Her shoes were tweed ballet flats. …_Ballet flats…Alice…_

"I like your shoes," I said without thinking.

"Thanks! I got them at this really cool retro store I found here. You should come with me sometime we could get you a pair too!"

I didn't think that would actually ever happen. Most people make offers like that as polite conversation so I just told her, "sounds fun."

"Hey, I'm going to this Halloween party this weekend, would you want to come with me?"

She was serious. "Umm…what day is it?"

"Well the party is Saturday night but I haven't got a costume yet, I'm gonna go shopping on Friday if you wanna come with?"

Hmm….she didn't look like Alice; she was pale but not un-humanly pale. She didn't' sound like Alice, her voice defiantly didn't sound like a bell. I thought maybe I had found her human twin. "Well, umm, I don't have a costume either so I guess that would be ok," I told her.

"Great how 'bout Friday at three, that's when I'm done with class."

"Sounds great."

The meeting was short and seemed kinda redundant. I mean do you really need to tell 18 and 19 year olds that there not allowed to have wild parties in there room. I felt like I was getting a rundown from Charlie.

I went back to my computer and had actually forgotten about the e-mail I was writing. I actually found that while I was typing the message I was kind of excited. When I was telling him that I was going shopping I was actually wishing that tomorrow was Friday. Bella Swan excited about shopping, Alice would be so proud…

Well I had a couple of days till I went out with Suzie so I decided that tomorrow I would talked it easy, and get caught up on my classes. I hoped that I would be able to handle my little outing this weekend; my last one had not gone so well.

* * *


	8. Trick or Treatdefinitely a trick!

**AN: I just want to say thank you to all of you that are reviewing I heart you!! I should be updating more frequently now! ENJOY  
Disclaimer:I do not own twilight**

This would be a good thing.

I got out of bed Friday morning, showered and grabbed a pop-tart; I was already tired of not eating real food. Charlie had been ecstatic yesterday when I told him I was going shopping. I insisted to him that I was doing just fine but having Suzie and the outing as an example put his mind at ease. I worked on some biology and then read some of Wuthering Heights. Promptly at three Suzie knocked on my door.

"Hey Bella! Are you ready to go?"

I grabbed my coat and we headed out to her car. She had a Toyota Prius. It was blue with gray interior. She explained to me that it was actually new, as if I couldn't tell. Her mom and dad got it for her for a graduation present.

"Do you have anywhere specific you want to go to look for a costume," she asked.

"I don't really know my way around so wherever you want to go is fine with me."

"How about the costume super center it's only a few miles off Dartmouth College Hwy. It's this huge store that's only open for a few months out of the year, but they have the best stuff!"

"Sounds good. Um, Suzie, I have no idea what kind of costume to get," I said nervously.

"It's ok, I live for shopping, and I will totally help hook you up."

"Ok but I don't want anything too….tooo….revealing."

"No, slutty costumes… got it," she laughed light heartedly.

We got to the store and began browsing. It was starting to seem like I was defeated in the no slutty costume department because that's all I saw. Suzie called me from the dressing room. She came out and did a twirl.

"What do ya think?" She wore a multi-colored flowered hippy go-go dress with yellow knee high boots. They had a flower shape cut out at the top. It suited her.

"It's great, I think it's a definite winner," I said.

"Me too. Here you try this." She pulled out a mauve colored garment.

I stared at it, "Ruby Goddess? I dunno," I said wearily.

"Just try it on…" she protested.

It fit well. I was surprisingly delighted with it. It wasn't too short but I didn't look like a grandmother either. It came to a sideways triangular point. It had gold trim around the waist and it was one-shouldered.

"It's so gorgeous! Bell you look like a Greek god! You have to get it!"

_A god, no I'm pretty sure I had seen one of those and I didn't even compare…_

I had to admit though the dress was really beautiful. Suzie handed me some gold strappy sandals and I felt the overwhelming urge to tackle her in a hug for not handing me heels. If the dress didn't seal the deal the shoes defiantly did. I would be able to walk around the party without having the extra stress of trying not to trip.

After our purchases we grabbed lunch, and then headed back to the dorm. I was supposed to go over to Suzie's room tomorrow afternoon. If I wasn't mistaken she was more excited to do my hair and make-up then the actual party. But at least I wouldn't have to worry about it.

* * *

On Saturday I headed over to her room. She almost knocked me over with excitement when I walked in the door.

"BELLA!! LOOK WHAT I GOT FOR US!" She held up a bucket with what looked like an array of props. "I went to the costume closet and my theater professor said I could borrow whatever I wanted. I have a bunch of accessories for our costumes; we are gonna rock that party!"

I asked Suzie how she knew the person throwing the party and she informed me that she didn't really know him at all. She said she got a flyer from this guy. That didn't really reassure me. I think she could tell how nervous I was.

"Bella," she said, "don't worry you totally look awesome."

I could tell she was proud of her work; and I had to give it to her, this was the best I had looked in a really long time. She had made a braid in the front of my hair that swooped from one side of my head to the other; it coincided with the gold ribbon headband she found to go with my outfit. My hair was curled into little winglets that were half up in a Greek-style up-do. She had even found a gold choker with a faux ruby to match my dress.

"It's going to be great; the guy who gave me the flyer said it was like one of the biggest parties of the year. Apparently the guy who throws it is like the captain of the football team or something."

"Biggest parties?"

…_hmm how big is big? O, well I guess if I was gonna make my social debut I may as well start off with a bang, I just hope I was ready._

We parked the car on the street, I was glad I didn't have a car, I'm not sure I could pull off parallel parking with my truck. The party was wall to wall people. I had never really thought of myself as a claustrophobic person but being here I was afraid I was growing dangerously close to becoming one.

"Come on," Suzie shouted over the music, "let's dance!"

"I can't dance," I shouted back over the music.

"Bella! Everyone can dance, come on! No one will even be able to tell if you're dancing or not there are so many people."

I stood there kind of statue like while Suzie swayed her hips to the music. It all happened so fast, but yet it seemed to reel in slow motion. Some guy tripped drunkenly over Suzie's foot and knocked her in to the coffee table. She had a big gash in her head. I hated the sight of blood, I had no idea what to do, and usually I was the one that needed the help. I pulled out my phoned and called 911; I didn't even know where we were when they asked for the address.

"Bella," Suzie said groggily, "I'm fine let's just get out of here."

"SUZIE YOU'RE NOT FINE!" "I'm taking you to the hospital."

_I have to find the hospital..._

"Bella just take me to the doctor on campus ok?" she asked.

_Right…there's a hospital on campus…_

* * *

We arrived there shortly after. Because I wasn't immediate family they wouldn't let me go back with her, so I waited. I waited in my Greek goddess costume. I felt like a monkey at the zoo, anyone who walked by would stare.

"Who is here for Susan Richfield," the doctor asked?

"I am," I popped up from the chair. "Is she ok?"

"She will be. She had 9 stitches and a mild concussion. But with some rest she should be as good as new. She will be ready to leave in a few minutes."

I thanked him and waited for Suzie. We went over to the receptionist desk to take care of some insurance stuff. Three women set at difference sides of the somewhat rounded cubicle. The last thing I saw was the lady in the front talking to Suzie and asking her to sign some things. Then ….Blackness.

"Bella ….Bella." A tiny red heads face was in my view when my vision cleared. "What are you trying to do huh, steal my spotlight," she chuckled. "Are you ok, you fainted?"

"I...wha..what….then slowly as the nursed helped me into the wheel chair it came back to me. The lady was talking to Suzie but the other two women were talking to each other. The rather large one with glasses was relaying messages to one thin frail looking one who was making notes on them.

"Tell Dr. Rutherford that his client this afternoon called to confirm, John Welling called and cancelled his radiography session, and tell Dr. Cullen his wife called and said that there trip to Alaska will have to be postponed and not to buy the plane tickets today."

That was it, I felt dizzy all over again as I leaned into the back of the wheel chair. I felt sick, like I was going to throw up everywhere, but if I did only the nothingness that remained in my chest would come up. It wasn't possible, there had to be some other Dr. with the same name right? But that wasn't the part that had synched it for me…._Alaska? Who takes trips there, the Cullen's, that's who. I suddenly couldn't breathe." _

"We're going to need some oxygen," I heard the nurse say before I saw blackness again…


	9. Waking up

**AN: So at first, I totally had a plan for this chapter and as I was writing my brain decided to completely steer me in the wrong direction! lol I love you all so much, I can't tell you how cool it is to know that not only are you reading my story but that you actually enjoy it! Thank you for the reviews!! I hope everyone's finals went well and got the grades they wanted! **

**Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its glory belongs to Stephanie Meyer **

**BPOV**

I knew it couldn't real but it sure felt like it. As I was lying there immobile, a dream like state enveloped me. I knew it wasn't real of course, because it was centered on Edward. He was there in the hospital room holding my hand, murmuring to who I concluded was Carlisle. I couldn't understand what he was saying. Every few minutes I would hear Carlisle mutter something about me being fine. I was mad at myself, because now even my fantasy's of Edward contained turmoil. I did not like that.

I could feel that I was regaining feeling in my limbs and somehow I knew if I wanted to I could open my eyes. I was delaying it however, due to the fact that it would be the end of my uneventful Edward fantasy. But as I regained my senses slowly I realized how real this really felt. I could almost swear his hand was really in mine. There were muffled whispers; it was neither Carlisle nor Edward this time. I would recognize that pixie's voice anywhere, even if it was a dull whisper. It still had a ring to it.

"It's time Edward, we have to leave," she said. Even in a whisper I could sense a hint of sadness. Even in my dreams they left me…

As my eyes fluttered open the light in my eyes was so bright it almost burned. A nurse was fixing my I.V. when she noticed me.

"O you're awake. How are you feeling honey?"

"I'm ok," I said. My throat felt hoarse, she could tell because she walked over to the pitcher and poured me a glass of water.

"Here you go."

"Thank you," I said.

"The doctor should be in soon to check on you, I'm your nurse, Nancy. Just buzz me if you need anything." With that she smiled and left the room.

"As I laid there staring at the ceiling I realized how incredible white it was. I couldn't help but compare it to my equally white missing family. It appeared cold but if you looked closely you could see tiny sparkles in the paint. It was serene and beautiful. I thought about my dream, how incredibly real it had seemed. That's when I noticed a vase full of freesia's sitting on the table they were fastened in a crystal vase with a white satin bow. The smell was familiar, and then I remembered why. The nostalgia of our meadow filled the hospital room and it was excruciating and calming all at once. Where had they come from? Did the hospital give complementary flowers to all of their patience's? Maybe Suzie had brought them. My thoughts were interrupted by the doctor.

"Good morning Isabella, I'm Doctor Flanagan. As you may have guessed you fainted. After you regained consciousness you fainted once more it wasn't until after you did not regain consciousness the second time that we realized that you suffered a concussion from the first fall. We ran some test and you're completely healthy but you need to rest for a while, I can write you a doctor's note for you classes if you would like."

"No," I said, "I'm taking online classes so I'll be ok, but thank you."

"Well your friend, um…Susan, was her name? She said that she would be here to pick you up at three, I just phoned her. You may leave if you feel well enough, it's up to you."

"I think I will be alright, thank you doctor." As he smiled and prepared to exit the room I blurted out, "WAIT," without even thinking.

"Yes, Miss Swan?"

I didn't really know a roundabout way to ask it so I just came right out and said it. "Is there doctor here by the name of Carlisle Cullen?"

I waited for what seemed like an eternity before he answered me, in all actuality it was probably only a few seconds.

"No, miss, I don't believe we do." He was lying, he had to be.

"Are you positive," it almost sounded like a plea.

"Miss Swan I've worked here for 3 years now and that name holds no significance for me, I'm sorry." With that he left.

I wanted to die…

* * *

**Carlisle POV**

Richard walked out of her room. I didn't like asking him to deceive Bella for me but I knew it was for the best; well at least it was what Edward wanted.

"Alright Carlisle, are you going to tell me why I just had to lie to a recovering patient?"

"First off, thank you Richard, I cannot express to you how sorry I am that I had to ask you to do that." Richard was an honest man I hated asking him to do anything that was less than honorable.

"It's, very complicated. I just ask you to trust me in the fact that it's necessary."

"You're a great doctor, Carlisle, and an even better man. So, I believe you if you say that it was a must."

On my ride home I couldn't help but wish that Richard had refused to lie for me. I missed Bella and so did the rest of the family. I hated seeing Edward so unhappy. It was, in all honesty, tearing my family up. Esme had lost a daughter and Alice a sister. Jasper felt responsible and so did Rose, for being less than kind all the time. Even Emmet wasn't his cheery self. And Edward…my son. It was becoming a constant thought of worry about him. I wished that I could take away the pain that consumed him. With all of my years of living and all of my years of schooling I couldn't formulate a solution to fix the angst in my family.

They were all in the living room when I got home. Edward was pacing.

_She's fine Edward, she'll be fine. _

He stopped and nodded at me in understanding and finally sat. We all waited in silence and finally Edward spoke. I looked at Alice who was very impatiently sitting Indian style on the couch, bouncing up and down. I could tell she was using all her might from bursting out with what she saw. I knew she knew.

"I can't do this anymore. I can't stay away from her."

"O thank god," Alice let out a sigh of air as if she had been holding her breath, "I was starting to think I would have to drag you into her dorm room. You've decided to tell her Edward, I've already seen it."

"What about that stupid mutt who's got his claws in your girl," Emmett grunted.

I winced. "All I can do is fight for her, go back, and tell her the truth. If she doesn't want me then that's a different story, but I have to try."

* * *

**EPOV**

I had to try; I couldn't handle it anymore, not since I had seen her. Even unconscious she was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen in my life. I couldn't help it; I reached out and took her hand in mine. I had brought her freesia's they weren't from, "our," meadow but they were a nice resemblance. Alice had assured me that it wouldn't hurt anything. I knew I only had minutes to spend with her but those minutes were all it took to for me to decide. I watched her eyes flutter under their beautiful lids and I knew she was dreaming but, about what I had no idea. I yearned to know what she was feeling, if she was in pain.

"Edward, it's time," Alice whispered.

I kissed her hand and reluctantly pulled my hand from hers, for I knew that she would soon open her beautiful brown eyes and I could not be there to see that happen. But as I pulled my hand from hers she let out the faintest whisper. This whisper had confirmed my decision. It was barely audible even for vampire hearing but I could have picked it out in a crowd of thousands screaming.

"Edward…"

My name, from my angel's lips. It was the first real moment of happiness I had felt in a long time. She was dreaming about me. After that I could barely pry myself from her side, Alice nearly had to drag me. I knew what I was going to do I just had to get the nerve to do it. Bella would be going home for Thanksgiving in the next few weeks and I would be there waiting…there was just one thing left to do.

I got my phone out and skimmed through till I found the entry I desired. I pushed the green button on my phone and prepared myself for what I would say to….

Jacob Black


	10. A phone call and a plane ride away

**_AN: I know I know, i'm horrible because it's been forever since my last update. But finding a job has been consuming my life! Darn this economy!! Well this chapter is sort of short, I sort of had writer's block because the last chapter didn't really go the way I planned it just sort of came out, lol. So I had to re-evaluate where I was taking the story. Next up, Bella tries to find happiness, but with who??? O NO!!! So does Jacob tell Bella what he's done? ...hmm and i'm thinking about an Edward dream ...what do you guys think??? Thanks again for all of your support and reviews, they really do mean sooo much. They inspire me to write write write!!!_ **

**EPOV**

_Ring….ring…ring….RING….come ….on….. _

"Hello….bloodsucker. I thought I told you not to call anymore…don't you kno…"

_I interrupted him_.  
"I'm coming back Jacob."

_Silence…_

"I know you said you're with her but she has to know how I feel, so I'm coming back, to tell her."

_Still silence…_

"I just wanted to tell you because I'm doing it over Thanksgiving. If she decides she doesn't want to see me than I will leave but I thin.."

_Now he interrupted me. _

"You can't come back Edward."

"Why is that?"

"Ok, um so don't go all crazy when I tell you this. When I told you that we were happy together I might have been leading on an assumption."

_I couldn't speak now…I didn't know whether to do a spin and jump for joy or jump through the phone and kill that mongrel…I felt both…so instead I listened…_

"I thought maybe if I had more time I could get her to see, get her to love me too. I know now that I was wrong. I just don't understand why she chose you. But …_silence_….you…you win."

_Win? _

"She loves you, even though you left. I'm not really sure why, but she does. If you make her happy then I suppose it's something I have no other choice than to except. But for me to step aside I ask one favor of you in return. Don't come back yet… "

_His tone was solemn and laced with defeat; as if he were dying and he was willing her to me as his last testament. _

"Jacob, I…"

His voice was suddenly hard again. "Don't think bloodsucker, that for one second, that if you ever hurt her again, I won't rip you apart and burn the pieces individually to make it as slow and agonizing as possible."

_What I didn't say was that if I ever hurt her like that again, I would probably let him. _

"Jacob what is it exactly you are asking from me, because if you want me to sit around for another month while you try to woo her into being with you I cannot do that. I won't do that. I've been away from her for far too long," I said firmly.

He was silent for a moment before he spoke again, "give me a chance to tell her what I've done. Let me have her friendship and you can have her heart."

I couldn't fathom what he was saying. He was finally letting her go. She could have both, his friendship and my love, like she'd always wanted.

"Jacob, I know how much you mean to Bella; and I want to thank you for being there for the results of my regretful actions. For this, I will grant your wish. I'll give you until she returns to Forks for Christmas, but that is the extent to what I can offer," I said.

It was strange; I hadn't expected to be bartering for time. But that's the way the conversation had ended. Now the choice remained on how to tell her I was coming back. How do you explain an error in judgment that was so large? How do I convince her that I had never stopped loving her? It was so easy to persuade her into believing I didn't care for her but I had a sentiment that convincing her to believe the truth would be much harder.

* * *

**BPOV**

The flight home from Forks was short. That could be because I slept the whole way. Charlie was there waiting when I arrived.

"It's good to see ya Bells!" Charlie said.

"Good to see ya too Dad."

"I brought your truck this time, I figured it would be a little less conspicuous then the cruiser." He chuckled.

"Thanks, Dad." Charlie was beginning to understand that the less attention the better with me. We drove from the airport back to the white house I knew all too well. Of course it was raining; it wouldn't be Forks without rain.

"Billy's comin' over for turkey dinner on Thursday; I think Jacob's coming too. He sure has missed ya Bells. Always going on 'bout how I need to buckle down and buy my own personal plane so he can fly up to see ya whenever he wants."

"That's great dad," I said with less emotion than he was hoping for. "Would you like for me to cook?"

"Well you can do the side dishes and I'll cook the bird. Billy got me a turkey fryer for my last birthday so I thought we'd try it out."

"Deal," I said.

Walking into my bedroom I felt an odd wave of nostalgia rush over me. Charlie had opened my window; to I'm sure, let in some cool breeze. But instead he let in a wave of sadness. I rushed to the window and quickly shut it; I wasn't ready for that, not yet. As I unpacked my suitcase I couldn't help but wonder about Thanksgiving and how ungrateful I felt. I had a father and mother that loved me, I had so many people in my life that cared, I had Jacob…and yet I couldn't bring myself to feel thankful for any of it without him. Was this really how my life would be from now on? Could I really keep myself secluded from the world forever? I knew my answer before I could even construe the thought…

No...I couldn't

I had to find happiness in something, anything. Maybe I would find it while I was home, maybe not, but I think it's time to try. I had to try…right??


	11. I hate to burst the soap bubble?

**AN: I just wanted to start off by saying thank you to all of my reviewers especially those who continue to review more than once throughout the chapter!!! As previously discussed in the last chapter, I was thinking about doing a Edward dream sequence do you think that would be a good idea, please let me know because it will probably be in the next chapter. As always pleaz pleaz pleaz show some love and review! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of its charachters **

**BPOV**

"Man, Bells that was delicious!!" Jacob exclaimed as he took his napkin that was tucked in his shirt and wiped his face.

"Hey," Charlie protested, "she didn't make it all!"

"The birds great too Charlie," he returned.

"Charlie what'd ya say bout' watching the 100 Most Humiliating Moments in Sports with me while we sip on some vitamin R," Billy asked.

"Sounds like a plan, Stan!"

It was almost like a tradition now, Billy coming over and watching something pertaining to sports on Dad's precious flat screen. While the two friends were left to their sports, I was left with my own best friend to clean up the kitchen. I hadn't been nervous about being with Jacob ever before; but since my previous contemplations I found myself feeling rather awkward. Jacob was helping me scrape the plates and put the leftovers in containers.

"You wanna wash and I'll dry?" "Umm earth to Bell???" Jacob's voice was questioning breaking me out of my current nerve wracking stooper.

"Wha, o yea sounds great." I said in response.

"You ok there Bells," Jacob asked concerned.

"Ya I'm good, just got a lot of stuff on my mind I suppose."

I lifted the plate out of the sink a tad bit too hastily and splashed water on Jacob's shirt. He looked at me and I knew what was coming. I braced myself but I decided to plead anyway.

"Jake, I'm sorry," I said through giggling, "Come on it was an accident."

He eyed me with a look of mischief. He grabbed the spray faucet hose from the sink and pointed in my general direction, and sprayed. Well if I was gonna get wet I wasn't going down without a fight. I grabbed some the bubbles that were in the sink and wiped them across his face. He grabbed on to me and I took a step forward. The water had been slowing collecting on the floor and we both fell slipping on the small puddle beneath our feet. He caught me and broke my fall; I landed on top of him. We just looked at each other for a small moment before cracking up at our antics. After our humors died down I just looked at him in silence for a second and then smiled. He had some soap bubbles on his face so I took my hand and gently brushed them off keeping my hand on his face after removing them. Again I was left just looking into his eyes.

"Jake, I…"he cut me off.

"Bella."

I waited.

"I have to tell you something." He then put his hand on the side of my face, but not to wipe off bubbles.

"You can tell me anything," I smiled.

* * *

**Jacob's POV**

She wasn't making this easy. After our little water fight she brushed my face with her hand and then left it there. I was losing my nerve and I knew if I didn't do it soon I would forget all about it and just kiss her and worry about the rest later.

It was now or never. "Bella, I have to tell you something."

She looked at me and smiled, "You can tell me anything."

"_Crap…"_

"Um..Can we go to your room and talk?"

She grabbed my hand and dragged me towards the stairs. I didn't even know how to begin.

"Bell's you know that I love you right?" _I_ _didn't let her answer me, I already knew she knew._ "Well, you also know, I hated him." She winced with his reference.

"Jake, can we not?"

"No, Bell you have to hear this before I lose my nerve." She came over and took my hand and walked me over to her bed and sat down next to me.

"_She's holding my hand…CONCENTRATE JACOB…she deserves to know…"_

"It's ok Jake," she whispered. "It's fine."

"_Why was she inching closer, O god, she thinks I'm trying to come on to her. No that's not…wait…is she letting me."_

All of my months of loving her and her edges were starting to dissolve. She put her hand on the side of my face and stroked it with her hand. She leaned in closer and I could feel her breath on my face. All I had to do was lean in an inch and I would finally be kissing her, after all of this time.

This wasn't right, I knew it. But I couldn't seem to stop my body from moving.

"_Wait no; this wasn't the way it was supposed to be." _

"Bella, I can't…"

She pulled away with a look of rejection on her face.

"No, not because, gahh…just let me ….uh this is so messed up…..." I couldn't even look at her now. I turned to look at her door and stood. I put my hands in my face. Without thinking I just blurted it out.

"I told him not to come back Bella."

She didn't say anything and I couldn't turn around to look at her face. "A few months after he left, he called. He told me he was coming back and I told him not to. I told him we were happy, and I truly thought we would be in the future but you were still….I didn't realize…..I'm so sorry…"

I didn't even know if she was still in the room she was so silent. I turned to be sure and her eyes were overflowing with tears. I took a step toward her and she broke her statuesque look.

"Get…" her voice trembled.

"Out…"

"Bells...I"

"NOW JACOB," she spat. I couldn't help but think there was a hint of disgust in her voice. So I just turned around and walked out. I paused at her door.

"You belong together, I see that now…I'm sorry Bella….I love you," I whispered as I walked downstairs.

* * *

**BPOV**

I couldn't comprehend what I was hearing. I also couldn't help the tears that started to form.

"_You can't?"_ I thought… _"Am I just unwanted by everyone…?"_

The fear of rejection hadn't even been a thought when it came to Jake, I knew he loved me and he was just waiting for me to be ready, he had told me that before. So I was somewhat taken a back when he dismissed me. Why? Couldn't he just let me try to dull the pain, and try to learn to be happy? And then…

"I told him not to come back…" There was no need for me to ask who, I knew. Now the tears were practically pouring out of my eyes, but for a different reason. I wanted to yell, I wanted to scream. I also wanted to throw up. So many emotions were running through me, anger, betrayal, sadness, and yet hope…_he wanted to come back?_

But, I couldn't speak, it was like I was on emotional overload or something and my brain couldn't compute a sentence.

He turned around and looked at me and the anger flooded the rest of my emotions out momentarily. He took a step in my direction and with all that I could muster I only spoke two words…

"Get"

"Out!"

He dared to speak to me right now. All I could see was red. "Bella, I…"

"NOW JACOB." That was all the strength I had left so I hoped he would just go. He did, but not before whispering on his way out.

"You belong together; I see that now…I'm sorry Bella….I love you."

I could hear the pain in his voice but frankly, at that moment, I didn't care. Once I was sure he was down stairs I ran to the door and shut it. I couldn't even make it back to my bed my back fell against the back of my bedroom door. I slid down it and broke into hysterics as my walls crumbled and my heart wept…and then all of a sudden I sat up and stopped crying...a question flashed in my head like an alarm system, it pained me because I had no idea how I was going to get my answer.

"Did that mean that Edward loved me?"

* * *

**AN: Well there it is...Jacob has a consious after all!! Dream, yes or no???? xoxox**


	12. Authors note

AN: Sorry for not updating in a while guys I just started a new job and I'm working 60 hours a week so I've been pretty drained. I had Sunday off but I went to see Rent at the Fox Theater. It was amazing, if you've ever seen Rent, it's a great musical. I got to see the original Roger and Mark, yea that's right Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascal!! I cried the whole second act lol. Anyway I'm really going to try to have and update by the end of this week, please don't hate me!! I love you all!


	13. planes, trains, and laptops?

**AN: so here it is...long and awaited. I officially get the craptastic award for updating, so i'll make this short :) enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own zilch**

I wasn't very good at directions, but I could find this place in my sleep. The meadow. _Our Meadow._ The most magnificent place in the world. The wild flowers sprayed throughout the luscious grasses. The smell of honey suckles and lilacs filled my senses. In the middle a single ray of sunshine shone on a patch of grass, it was calling my name. As I lay down I shut my eyes and enjoyed the warmth radiating on my skin. I was startled when I felt a cool finger tip stroke my cheek. My eyes shot open and he was there. All that I had ever wanted. His liquid topaz eyes looked back into my own, but this was impossible because the feeling that they returned to me were love.

"I've missed you so much my love." I had forgotten how angelic he sounded. It was like my eardrums were being encompassed by warm smooth velvet and I was in heaven.

"But, Edw…"

"Shh my love it's all over now, we can be together." He scooped me into his lap and cradled my face in his hands.

"Bella, I never should have left. I am nothing without you." With that he so gently touched his lips to mine. It was so surprising that I started to shake. I thought I was going into shock from pure bliss because I couldn't stop myself.

"Bella, love are you ok…" _DING…_ "You're shaking." _…DING…_ "Don't worry I'm here, I'm never leaving again..." _DING _

_What the hell is that?? _

My body gave a sudden jolt and my eyes shot open. I realized that I was still shaking, but it wasn't my body it was the whole plane. DING …the seatbelt sign was dinging and flashing red. "Ladies and gentlemen please fasten your seatbelts; we are currently experiencing minor turbulence.

Great…If I didn't hate planes before I really hated them now. I sat back in my seat and thought about the small slice of heaven my subconscious had just given me. I love you subconscious.

**EPOV**

_Dear Elizabeth,_

_How was your Thanksgiving, lovely I hope? I am glad to be writing you again, thank for your last response. How was your party that you went to? Over break I actually missed this class, I think that's the first time I've ever missed school in my entire life. I hope that all is well for you._

_Hope to hear from you soon! _

_-Tristen_

I missed her more and more everyday but the thought that I would soon be able to speak to her face to face brought a light in my heart that I hadn't seen in a long time. I hoped that her meeting with Jacob had gone well and that she was not upset. I knew that she would be though, and for that I was so very sorry. It seemed as if there was a light at the end of the tunnel for me, a faint one, but a light none the less.

**BPOV**

What this guy for real? He genuinely seemed interested in the happiness of a complete stranger. Though, I must admit it was really nice to have someone to talk to that didn't know how broken I really was.

_Tristen, _

_Good to hear from you, ironically I'm glad to be back to and I don't even have real classes. The party was interesting to say the least, my friend that I went with had a freak accident and I still was the one that ended up in the hospital. O, if I didn't tell you before, I am the epitome of clumsy. _

_Break? Well, let's just say it was bitter sweet. I found out something really upsetting but it gave me hope about something else. Kinda like figuring out Santa Clause isn't real but now you get cash for Christmas so you can buy what you want instead. _

Alright Bella, downer much?

Fix it, change the subject…

_So, this class is like the easiest class I have ever taken. I can't believe that this semester is already almost over. Do you sign up for classes soon? Well I guess until next time then. _

_-Elizabeth_

For some reason I had the strange urge to tell him everything. Why? I had no idea. O, yea, I guess it could be because the one person I thought I could trust turned out to lie and hurt me almost as much as Edw..well …you know...

I just wanted someone to talk to, was it so difficult to find.

"You have one new message." My computer's automated voice spoke.

_Dear Students, _

_I hope that you had a great holiday. But, ahh yes, back to school we are. Your third assignment is interactive. Fun and creative, I know. Attached are directions on how to log on to you interactive pen pal data base. You will create a user name and password and will have access to what you children call, "IMing." The proper term being, instant messaging, of course. You must be logged in and talk to you partner for at least 30 minutes over the course of the next week. The program will record that fact that you are actually typing messages and not just sitting in idol to ensure that you actually communicate. It will not, however, record your private conversation. Hope your classes are still going well. _

_Best Regards, _

_Professor Dillinger_

Ok I retract my previous statement about my concerned classmate. Was THIS guy for real? Chatting on the web? This was seriously an assignment. Fine, better than writing a paper I guess.

**EPOV **

_Godlovesmegodlovesmegodlovesme…_

"What's got you so excited?" Said a sarcastic voice

"Go away Rose," I said.

"I haven't seen Eddy boy smile in a long time Rose, let's just let him be," my bear-like brother pleaded.

"Don't ruin it," I seethed.

"I was just asking," she scoffed.

"_I really am glad to see you happy Edward, gosh I'm not that heartless..."_ she thought.

With her silent apology I knew she was gone. I was left in silence again. Just me and my laptop preparing for what was the highlight not just of my night but probably my year. I logged in quickly.

_Please be on line…_

Who was I kidding it was almost eleven, she was in bed.

"Badoop."

That was the most magnificent sound I had ever heard resonate through my computer speakers, as she messaged me first.

**Hey**

Hello, fancy meeting you here? _Smooth Edward …real smooth…crap_

**Ya, it's not like it wasn't an assignment or anything lol**

So how are you? I read your e-mail; sorry you to hear home did not go as well as you'd hoped.

**Its ok, I'm just prone for disaster. Mentally and physically, I'm a mess lol. **

I bet you're not as bad as you think; umm do you want to talk about it?

_Idiotidiotyoufreakedherout…_

**Ok**

You don't have to I'm just here if you need a friend.

**Don't think I'm weird k? **

I wouldn't dare, everyone has problems :)

**Mine are, complicated**

I think I can keep up, if you'll let me

**Ok well I will try to make this as condensed as possible. The reason that I'm so depressing all the time is because, I… well, see I was…dating this guy. He was really important to me, but it was one of those too good to be true things you know? **

So he turned out to be a jerk? _No, I was much worse than that…_

**No not at all, he was pretty close to perfect actually. It was my imperfections that tore us apart. I just never really fit in his league, you know. He was wonderful and I…well, I'm just kinda normal…**

_She was extraordinary…but I couldn't say that _

Don't be so hard on yourself.

**Well anyway, he left a while ago and I never really let him go. Recently, I thought to kind of numb the pain I would try to be someone that I knew at least cared about me. My best friend. I figured because I knew he cared about me deeply I could at least make him and everyone else around me happy by trying at least…does that make any sense? **

Perfect sense.

**Well anyway I was going to tell him over break. **

So are you with him now? _I didn't even think before typing it._ _I hate that mutt for giving him time, only allowing him the opportunity that he had longed for._

**No, he kind of rejected me. Well, not really but he told me that he had to tell me something first. He told me that the guy that I had been dating before, you know the one that left. Well he wanted to come back and my friend told him that we had been dating. So he didn't come back. I just felt really betrayed. **

Wow, I'm so sorry. You should never have been put through that. It sounds like neither one of them deserve you. _We didn't'…_The guy who you dated made a huge mistake and Jacob; well he shouldn't have lied to you. Do you still have feelings for that guy you dated?

**How did you know his name was Jacob?**

_I stared at the computer and suddenly felt like my non-existent stomach was in my throat….how could I have been so careless. I was just caught up in talking to her again that I stopped paying attention to details._

**I never told you that.**

_Think Edward…THINK_

**????**

_Shitshitshit_

**Edward?? **

_O DEAR GOD! I AM SO COMPLETELY SCREWED!_

* * *

_**AN: Kinda a cliffy...ya i know! As always show me some love plz??? Pretty please with sugar and a little bit of Edward on top???? : )** _


	14. Author's Note

Hey guys, WOW is all I have to say you guys are sooo great my reviews have almost doubled since I posted the last chapter and for that you'll be happy to know I'm already working on the next chapter and I hope to have it up by the end of this weekend! Or maybe even tom morning!!!! I was wondering how you feel about a playlist for some of the chapters? Thank you all again so much! You are the cherry on my sundae : )


	15. I wanna hold your hand

**AN: ok so i had the chapter all ready to go on saturday night and was going to post it sunday morning and then i had a dream about writing my story and woke up and realized that it was not the direction i wanted to take it at all so i re-wrote the whole chapter and took it down a whole nother path...i know i know i'm sorry for keeping you waiting so long guys but i hope it was worth the wait as always all reviews are loved!!! xoxo **

**O and let me just say that i'm going to see the fray and jack's manniquin next weekend and i'm sooooo stoked**

**As always it belongs to SM**

* * *

**BPOV**

It was weird because relief was the last thing I expected to feel when I talked about what happened with Edward and Jacob. But in this moment that is what I was feeling with this stranger. He seemed like he understood the pain I was going through without me actually having to tell him the extent of it. I was actually starting to take comfort in it.

_**Wow, I'm so sorry. You should never have been put through that. It sounds like neither one of them deserve you. The guy who you dated made a huge mistake and Jacob; well he shouldn't have lied to you. Do you still have feelings for that guy you dated? **_

I never told him his name…at that moment I only thought of one person being on the other end of this conversation. My mind went into auto pilot and my fingers followed suit.

_Edward? …_

After realizing what I had typed my entire body froze. What seemed like hours past by when in all reality it was probably only like 30 seconds. I couldn't stop myself, did he log out? What was going on? My heart was beating a mile a minute. It had been the most excitement it had seen since he left.

_?????_

I didn't know what else to type. Then suddenly a wave of sadness washed over me. It wasn't Edward at all…he probably just read my about me on that stupid survey we had to fill out to make this stupid profile. I felt like a complete heartbroken moron, I knew he probably thought I was psycho. He still hadn't responded so I tried to salvage my sanity.

_O, sorry you probably just read my profile right? The part that asked the name of our best friend, wow,_ _I'm a fool lol….If only he knew how foolish I really felt…_

_**O it's ok, that probably came off a little weird huh, I guess I should have mentioned it. Sorry.**_

_Wow stalker much? ____ jk _

_**Yep you're the object of my obsession jk this class is just a front to get close to someone who I only know**__**a fake name for. **_

_You should find a new hobby I'm not that interesting. _

_**Haha I doubt that, I haven't even met you and I'm enthralled ;) **_

_Glad I could entertain you. _

_**You should be. I only hope I can offer some sort of amusement in return.**_

_You don't …._

_Just kidding :) its weird cause I'm not usually this much of an open book._

_**Well good thing I like to listen. So, um if you don't mind me asking, who's Edward? **_

Uhh, why did he have to ask and ruin it?

_Umm, he's just …_

_**The guy that broke your heart huh?**_

He did so much more than break my heart. He stole it right out of my chest. He took my air, my reason for everything.

_Yea, I guess you could say that._

_**Are you upset that I wasn't him? **_

_Well, I knew that it was impossible I kinda just typed it as an instinct you know? I realized after that I was_ _being silly. I haven't heard from him since he decided to leave. _

_**He's stupid. **_

_No, it was me that lacked in the intelligent area, he was perfect. _

_**I doubt that. **_

_I'll defend him so don't try to win this argument k? _

_**I was just joking around I'm sorry if I upset you. **_

_Its ok it's just still really hard for me to talk about him in anyway and not get upset. _

**EPOV**

Thank god for that stupid survey. I am forever indebted to you.

After about three hours of chatting I knew she was probably tired. So with great obligation I told her I was tired and needed to go to bed. We agreed we would talk again tomorrow night and I did a mental jig. I would have to be meticulously careful from now on though; I could not allow myself to become so distracted.

"That was a close one huh?" I didn't have to turn around to know who it was.

"Ya, thanks for the warning Alice. It would have been nice to be a little prepared."

"Hey, you know that's not how it works Edward I didn't see it till you practically had your finger on the enter key."

"I know. I just can't believe that I was that careless."

"Edward, it wasn't carelessness, you were comfortable. It was an accident. Don't worry I see how careful you will be from now on."

From now on?? As in more than just tomorrow night, yep there's that jig again.

"Would it be pushing the happy moment to ask if I could talk to Bella now?"

I just glared at her with a warning I knew she would understand.

"Yep, guess it would. Alright I got it, I'll wait." With that she left, I could have sworn she hopped out of the room like a wood nymph or something. Apparently I wasn't the only one doing a jig.

**BPOV**

The next few weeks went by fairly quickly. I was even going out a few times a week to have lunch with Suzie. But the most unexpected development was how close I had become with, "Tristen." We talked almost every night. It was like he was this unbiased non-judging source that I could talk freely too. I was actually dreading the class ending in the next couple of weeks.

I was busy studying for my finals when I decided to take a break. So in true fashion I checked my e-mail.

_Dear Students, _

_As another semester comes to a close I want to thank you for being a part of this class. This semester was an experiment to say the least and you all have been troopers. Your final assignment is not as conventional as your other finals I'm sure. You have two choices. You may either reveal to your partner you're true identity on the online messaging system or for five extra points you can meet in person. After you have revealed your true identity you will write a three paragraph summary of your talk or meeting. You will also explain what you have learned from this class and if you think I should teach this class in a similar way next semester. This assignment is due 10 days from now that should give you ample time to meet and write your responses. _

_Good luck with finals, _

_Professor Dillinger_

**EPOV**

"Professor I would like to thank you for giving me this perfect opportunity."

I felt like I was giving a commemorative speech in my head as I read the e-mail. I was going to finally get the chance to see her again, face to face. These past few weeks were wonderful. Almost every night I got to speak to my angel and now I would finally get to see her. I just prayed that she took it well and my heart would soon be returned to its rightful place, hand in hand with hers.


	16. Dizzy

**AN Hello all! So you're lucky! I got sick so I didn't work today so instead I got to update!!! I know its short but I wanted their meeting to have its own chapter, I hope you like! As always reviews are loved! **

**Disclaimer: Its not mine :( **

**BPOV**

All my bags were packed and all my finals were taken, all except for the one for my writing class. My plan was to meet, "Tristen," at the park and from there I planned on going to the local café to write my short response. I would send it and then rent a hotel room, because my check out time was this afternoon for my dorm, and take a flight tomorrow afternoon back to Forks. I got some brochure's for some local hotel's and stuffed them in my bag.

I had to admit I was a little nervous. Not that first date kind of nervous or anything. It was just that he knew so much about me, and not the kind of information I would post on the about me section of some online forum. It was just that I felt like I could talk to him so freely and I couldn't help but fear that if I had to look him in the eye that the comfort that I had grown accustomed to would disappear. I was supposed to meet him at one so I arrived at quarter till. I always hated being late so early was on time to me. I sat on one of the swings and waited. It was one of the most beautiful days I had seen since I arrived. The park was really a sight and with the recent rain the flowers were in full bloom. The wind blew the fragrant aroma of the floral air in my direction. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. I thought it was one of the most ironic things that it was such a nice day in December it was almost like Mother Nature handpicked this day out on her calendar and thought, "Today will be the perfect nice day." I smiled at my outlandish conclusion. I thought at how absurd I probably looked to anyone in the park with my eyes closed and a smile on my face. So, reluctantly I opened my eyes. The sun was grudgingly being forced behind an enormous cloud where undoubtedly it would remain for the next minutes or so. It was one of the most expansive clouds I had ever seen. _Damn cloud taking away my sun._

"You are still the most beautiful creature I have ever seen," a voice said from behind me.

Although I had not heard that sound in over a year, its familiarity echoed throughout my entire body. I couldn't breathe; I was anxiously waiting for my daydream to abruptly come to a halt.

"Bella…"

I turned around expecting to find just another angle on this beautiful sunny day. Instead the most gorgeous thing I had ever known to be in existence stood before me. I knew it was impossible for my brain to materialize such a perfect replica of him. This only meant one thing; he was there, in front of me. I looked into his beautiful topaz eyes and they took the breath right out of me. I wasn't sure if it was because they were a million times more beautiful than I remembered or because they were the ones that had been haunting my soul and I was faced to face with them. Frankly I didn't care.

"Bella," his velvet voice whispered again.

I couldn't tell if he was saying my name to ask a question or just saying it to say it. All I know is that the next thing I knew my world became dizzy and I started to fall backwards, letting go of the chains on either side of swing; I waited for the hard ground but it never came. I could have sworn that before darkness completely took me I felt two strong cold arms wrap around me.

* * *

**EPOV**

I knew Bella, she would be there early; she hated to be late for anything. I had been there two hours early trying to mentally prepare myself on how to handle the situation.

I knew the moment she was close, I could smell her beautiful scent. She was so beautiful in the sunlight. I hadn't expected it to be quite so sunny today, this could be a problem. This meant that I had to wait until the right moment for my approach. I suppose I could have asked Alice for a proper forecast but I had insisted on staying out of her thoughts ever since Bella and I had agreed to meet here. I didn't want to know anything about it before it happened.

There she sat, my angel poached atop one of the swings barely swinging to the flow of the breeze. I hid behind the large tree in the shadows watching her as she closed her eyes. I could hear her deeply inhale, and I followed suit although I was sure we were both enjoying the scent of two very different bouquets. The sun was falling behind a rather large cloud and I knew it was now or never. I walked around behind her not wanting to frighten her by just appearing in front of her. Although I had thought about this moment for so long I could never quite decipher on how it would go, I was just sort of winging it.

She exhaled and the breeze blew her beautiful brown hair ever so slightly_…exquisite._

I couldn't help but appreciate it out loud.

"You are still the most beautiful creature I have ever seen."

Her body stiffened and I wondered if I had scared her. She sat for a moment, rigidly. She slowly looked over her left shoulder and shifted her body to comfortably look behind her. Her brown eyes pierced through mine awakening my non-existent soul.

"Bella…" I couldn't help but speak as if I were convincing myself that she was truly there.

She just kept staring almost as if she was sure she was seeing things. I saw pain, hope, shock, fear, and love all at the same time in her eyes.

"Bella," I said again.

She started to fall backwards and her eyes started to flutter closed. I caught her before her fainting could lead to an injury. I carried her to my Volvo. For purpose of information only of course, I looked in her luggage she had brought with her. It appeared she had made a reservation at a hotel or was at least she was planning on it. I took her to the nicer of the one's she had in her brochures. I laid her on the bed and waited. I couldn't help but keep her cradled in my arms. I would wait forever if that's what it took.

My phone was going crazy, Alice I'm sure, but I refused to answer it. I just held her in my arms and brushed her cheek with my finger tips. She was where she belonged and she would stay there as long as she would have me.

That is, if she would have me…

* * *

**An: How will Bella react?? HMMMM IDK reviews make me want to write faster ; ) **


	17. Rise from the ashes

**AN: Sorry it's been so long! As always thank you all for my lovely reviews! I had a review last time and it was someone's first time to review a story, I think it's amazing they chose mine! Hope you all enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, sadly.**

* * *

**BPOV**

I opened my eyes to a dark room. Where was I? I vaguely remember going to meet Tristan and…It all came back….hitting me like a ton of bricks. At that one moment I realized I was not alone. There were stone cold arms around me, a position that I was once very accustomed to. Now it was a surreal experience that I didn't want to end. But all too soon it did, his arms unwound from my body and I instantly felt something missing. His voice was velvet and beautiful, just as i remembered it.

"Bella, are you alright?"

"I think so …wha….what are you doing here?"

"Are you sure you are ok, you've been out for almost 6 hours, that's quite unusual for fainting."

I ignored his question and focused on the answers I wanted.

"What are you doing here?" I could help but think I sounded like a broken record, but that's what I was after all, broken.

"You fainted and I brought you back here to make sure you were ok," he said.

Of course he would successfully evade my question. Yes, he answered it in a literal sense but it was not that in which I was seeking. Before I could vocally object to his selfish answer he spoke again.

"Bella I need to tell you some things but first I need to know that you are ok, and that I don't need to take you to the doctor."

"I'm fine," I said.

"I owe you a lot of explaining Bella, and you need to hear all of it ok?"

"Edward, I….I just can't, you have to leave."

The longer I sat and had to stare at him in front of me the more pain I would feel when he left again. I might as well throw myself into oncoming traffic because after this there was no way I was coming back from it. He had to go now, my exterior was crumbling and I wouldn't be able to hold myself together much longer.

"No."

He said it so calm yet, matter-of-factly. Why was he torturing me?

"Fine, I'll leave."

As hard as it was my body's idea at self-preservation finally won over and I rose from the bed. I started to walk to the door and in an instant he was there.

"No," he stated just as calmly as before.

"Why," I asked pleadingly. Not only was I pleading with him but I was earnestly begging my internal self not to let the tears welling up spill over.

"Because, I told you I have to tell you some things. I would really appreciate if we could sit and talk rather than me keeping guard the whole time."

"I'm pretty sure I heard you loud and clear the last time we spoke, I may be human but I'd like to think I'm not that dense. I know it's been a long time but I can comprehend a simple conversat….."

"Silly girl, please let me talk." It seemed like a question and I answered it with my silence as a nudge for him to continue with what was sure to be my undoing.

"Do you know that with all my vampire senses, my pristine memory and ability to see fine details, I was still not able to come close to rallying anything that comes close to your beauty, my recollections did you no justice. They were still angelic of course, even in my mind you were still the most exquisite thing in my world and yet here you stand more strikingly beautiful than anything my pathetic brain could ever muster up. You are simply breathtaking."

He stepped closer and I could smell him and it was so painstakingly wonderful. My head screamed at me to move, that he was getting to close but my traitor of a body was frozen.

"Those images of you, I saw them everyday you know? Not so much as saw them but, replayed them over and over in my head. It was the most glorious form of hell. Bella I lied…but please know I did it because I thought that I was protecting you. I lied that day in the woods, when I said those awful things. I should have been damned to hell right then. But believe when I say that's where I was everyday when I was away from you…hell. I was going to come back and beg you to forgive me but then that do..Jacob said you were happy. I thought you had moved on as I wanted you to."

"Bella, would you please look at me?"

He cupped my face with his hand then. It was then I realized that tears were streaming down my face. I looked then, into his golden eyes that shot straight to my soul, inevitably ripping open the gaping hole where my heart used to be.

"Please, believe me," he pleaded, "I missed you, longed for you every minute of everyday. Isabella…I've never stopped loving you, and I never could. You are to me what a heart is to a human, imperative for my existence. With out you I was just a shell, a walking body that roamed around in self loathing."

I thought for a brief moment that things had changed while he was away and he was now able to read my mind because he was describing exactly how I was without him.

"Do you hear me Isabella Swan," he was back to that matter of fact tone. "I love you so much it consumes my whole being..... Yes.... Yes."

It didn't register to me until he crushed me to his chest that I had been shaking my head no. I was trembling now, the sobs racked through my body and if he hadn't been holding me up I would be on the floor curled into a small ball, I was sure of it. Was it possible? Jacob…he had told me that he wanted to come back, was it possible that he came back to tell me the things that he was saying now?

No, I wouldn't let myself hope, I couldn't. Ahh, stupid traitor heart to go with my traitor body, there it was almost as if someone was dangling a light in the darkness, the glimmer of hope that I prayed was not a cruel trick. I mustered up all that was inside of me to be able to speak.

"Y…You can't ssay thhings like thhhat."

"There true, Bella. How is it that you so easily believed the lie but it seems as if you refuse to hear the truth?" He pulled away from me slightly to lift my face in his hands.

"I will prove it to you," he whispered except this time he sounded as if he was stating it to himself rather than telling me. He was holding my face in both his hands again and this time his eyes were searing into mine. The next thing I knew his lips were on mine. I tried to pull away…ok not really but I tried to resist, but I couldn't. Damn him, well if I was going down I might as well make the most of it.

His lips were gentle at first until I began to move my lips in sync with his. Then they became more urgent, as did mine. I brought my hand to his hair and twisted into his gorgeous bronze locks. I couldn't help but tug on them.

"Mmnmm," he moaned.

Edward Cullen moaned. It was enough to make even a broken heart swoon and I was utterly his in that moment, he didn't have to know that but just the same, he had me. He moved one hand from my face to my waist then, picking me up with the faintest effort, he started to lead me backwards until he laid me down gently on the bed. With one hand still on my waist he was now touching bare skin, due to the fact that my shirt was slightly riding up. It felt as if there was electricity emitting from both of our bodies. He broke the kiss first. It was probably a good thing because I hadn't taken a breath since our lips had met.

"Breathe Bella," he chuckled. I could hear myself gasping for air and I cursed my stupid human lungs for needing oxygen. "I see some things have ceased to change," He mused.

We just laid there for a while and he lookd at me and gently stroked my cheek.

"What is it love?" He asked.

"Nothing," I feigned.

"Bella..." he prodded.

"I'm just trying to believe that this is really happening, really I am but I think my mind is like in defense mode or something. It's like I know you're going to leave and when you do I'm preparing for it."

"Never again Bella, I will never leave you ever again. I couldn't even if I tried. Please try to believe that."

"There's just so much I'm still confused about, it's just gonna take me some time ok?"

"Whatever you need Bella, I'm going to be here waiting."

"Can I ask you something Edward?"

"Anything. What is it?"

"Um, who keeps calling you? Your phone's been vibrating like crazy. I heard it buzz all across the table and now I hear it buzzing on the floor."

He looked at me seriously and then he let his mouth turn up into the crooked grin that I had missed so much.

"Well love…that would be Alice…"

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**AN: It's not all roses and butterflies yet folks, they've still got tons to work through but some happy times are ahead!!!**


	18. A dream is a wish your heart makes

**AN: Sorry it has taken to so long to update I really wanted this chapter right and I sort of had writers block. I must say that it makes me happy that so many of you are reading my story but it also makes me sad that about a fourth of you are reviewing...i won't demand reviews but I just want you to know they make my day brighter!!! **

**As an incentive to review if we can reach two hundred or close to it I will post a chapter late on Sunday evening : ) if not i'll post it soon after I hope! **

**lots of love! O and dear lord the comic con footage sure made me swoon!!!**

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**BPOV**

"Well…" I said glancing at him.

"Well what love?"

"Answer it already!" I didn't mean to sound pushy but the mere mention of my long lost pixie friend made my heart leap. I also wanted to tell him not to call me love, as much as it made my heart flutter to hear it, I didn't think I was ready for that yet. He answered his phone before I could get that far.

"What is it Alice?" He said through gritted teeth, I could tell he wasn't in the mood to talk to her.

"Yes…I'm aware…..now is not the time for that……tell them I said the same….she won't want to co….alright fine…I'll tell her…goodbye"

I looked at him with pondering eyes.

"She said to tell you she's excited to see you tomorrow."

My head was reeling…not only was I face to face with Edward but in less than 48 hours I would see the rest of my long lost family?

"Tom…Tomorrow?" I stuttered.

"I assumed that today we could spend some time figuring things out. I'm sorry I should have asked. If you want to go home today we can."

"No, tomorrow's fine." I agreed but frankly only because it was the easy thing to do at the time. My mind was so clouded and I was becoming more confused by the second. Little things, like the word "we" threw my mind through a loop. Were we really back to things like "us" already? Did I want to be_? _

'_Stupid Bella you know that's exactly what you want' my heart exclaimed. _My head practically screamed at me. 'What if he decided to leave again' my mind was trying to be the voice of reason. It was the classic internal battle of choices. The angel and the devil on my shoulder. This time my mind won.

I guess I had been quiet for a while because Edward spoke up with a worried expression on his face.

"Love, really we can go home today. I was stupid not to ask before."

"No, Edward we can stay. But can you do me a favor?"

"Of course."

"Please don't call me love," I looked at the pain that he tried to mask as I spoke. He tried to hide it but even through his attempt I could see it on his face, the sorrow that it caused. I felt remorse for making him feel that way, even after everything I couldn't deny that I still loved him. "It's just that…I'm not ready yet."

"I understand. I completely deserve that."

This pissed me off…

"Edward, IT'S NOT A PUNISHMENT! Listen ok, I'm just so overwhelmed right now I need time." I had to calm down, or I would do more harm than good. It was my turn to speak and tell the truth.

"Alright, can you do me a favor for a couple of minutes?"

"Yes." It was barely a whisper.

"Don't talk, just listen. Don't say anything until I'm finished no matter what ok?"

He just shook his head yes.

"Ok…" I took a deep breath and willed myself to get through this without falling apart. "Edward, I never expected you to come back…but…I…I wished for it, everyday. No matter how far away you went, my heart followed you, no that's not the right word, more like it was chained to you, whether you wanted it or not. It was a link that couldn't be broken even with vampire strength. I love you Edward, I've never stopped. There's no denying that. But, when you left I died. I was just a walking shell of myself because you became my life…my spirit…my everything and when you left all of those things went to. It's hard for me to just let myself go back. Back to when my life was blissful because when I lose it again, I don't think, no I know I won't make it this time. It's like self preservation, survival mode has kicked in and my brain tells me that if you leave its over for me, so it's holding me back from you. But I do know that we can never get anywhere close if you keep blaming everything on yourself all the time. It's not a punishment not to let you call me that. I want you to call me that. I love when you call me that, I'm just not ready yet, ok?

I stared at him blankly hoping that he would understand that I was finished. He too took a deep breath and began to speak.

"Bella, it makes sense you know, the way you describe yourself feeling, or rather lack thereof. I was right there with you. My heart, my existence was right here," he raised his hand and placed it over my thudding heart. It started to race; his touch was something that, after all this time, still had an effect on me. It made me shutter. "…with you." I snapped back into our conversation. "I was nothing…I didn't speak, I didn't feed…I didn't move for weeks at a time. I had to leave my family because seeing me like that put them through so much pain and intern I felt worse. I understand that you don't want to get hurt but Bella, I swear, if I could I would sign in blood, I will never leave you again. If you want me, I'm here forever. Even if you don't want me back to love, I'll always be here to protect you. You are my world Isabella, my Universe. I will spend every day of forever trying to prove it to you if you let me."

"I want to believe you Edward, but my head is telling that I can't risk my heart like that again." I was barely a whisper now as silently the tears rolled down my cheeks. He leaned in closer; our faces were mere inches apart now.

"…and your heart….what does it say?" I could feel his cool breath on my face and it sent chills through my body, the good kind of chills. I couldn't help but let my eyelids drift close as my hand ghosted to the spot where his heart once beat.

"It's screaming that it's not even a choice, that even if I wanted to exist without you I couldn't" I drifted an inch closer to his face, our foreheads touching now.

"Bella, you won't ever have to make that choice again, I swear to you." He moved his hand from my heart to cup my face gingerly. First with one hand and then the other.

This time my heart came back with a vengeance and kicked my heads ass.

I leaned in closing the gap between our lips. They molded together perfectly. He gently brushed his tongue along my bottom lip as I parted them and welcomed him in. I couldn't control my breathing and if I hadn't been so enthralled at the moment than I probably would have been quite embarrassed. Then he did something I didn't expect, he wrapped his arms around my waist and flipped me over swiftly so I was lying directly under him on the bed. He was quite good, our lips never parted from each other until he moved them to my jaw then to my neck and then to my collarbone. He was driving me crazy; I inadvertently let out a whimper, hearing it made my cheeks flood with blush. He moved his kisses to the spot right below my ear.

"Don't be embarrassed Isabella, I love to hear those sounds come from you," He whispered. He then dragged his tongue from the top of my ear to the bottom catching my bottom between his teeth. My breath caught which elicited the most beautiful velvet chuckle from him. He spoke again, "it's better than any symphony that I've ever heard or seen conducted."

He took my face in his hands again, "don't ever hide those sounds from me Isabella, I yearn to hear them." I could only nod…being audible was not an option at this moment due to the fact I couldn't even formulate a complete sentence in my head, let alone speak.

He chuckled again, "Breathe lov…Bella. Sorry…habit, I'll try harder."

"I lied," I don't know what happened but his kisses were like evil hypnotists that strewn me farther and farther away from logic. "You can call me that, I don't care...I want you to."

He dipped his head back to the crook of my neck and started to slowly shake his head back and forth dragging his lips and nose across my collarbone as if he was trying to convince himself of something. "Bella…my love…Bella…Bella…" He was just whispering my name over and over. "My body has missed you almost as much as my heart."

He didn't have to look up for me to know that there was lust in his eyes. I could feel it on my leg. At this moment I was glad that the female anatomy hid things like that more easily. Because right now I might as well have been waving a neon flag and whaling a siren from how turned on I was. Even when Edward and I were happy he never let things go this far for this long…I was relishing in it.

"I have a question," he asked.

"Mmm…hmmm." That was the only response I could muster.

"What did you dream about last night?"

_Crap….damn my subconscious all to hell… _

Ever since Jacob and I had spoken on Thanksgiving I had dreamt of Edward. It started on the plane and they had gotten progressively more, well let's just say suggestive. They were now full blow sex dreams about Edward. Not that I had complained the past couple of weeks, dreaming was my blissful time. But did I have to go and open my mouth with him right next to me. There was definitely no stopping the blush now.

"O no, what did I say."

"Well my name, but you kind of sounded in pain. You didn't dream of me hurting you did you?" I thought he would look worried but his expression almost looked like he was trying not to laugh. He knew he just wanted me to say it.

_Crap…again!_

"Ummm well no, it was about you but you weren't hurting me….it was more of a uhhh ummm good dream than a bad one."

He snickered, "O, really. What about? We're we doing something fun?"

I didn't like being mocked…fine two could play at this game… "I don't really remember anymore, it must have not been that fun."

His eyebrows furrowed with frustration, "Why Miss Swan, I do believe you are patronizing me."

"Who…me? As if your tone was not as condescending as mine."

"Why won't you tell me?"

"Because Edward, you're smart I think you can come to your own conclusion."

"I'd much rather hear it from you Bella, really it's nothing to be embarrassed about. If I could dream, it would only be about you."

I smiled, and wrapped my arms around his neck, "maybe I could show you…"

Without hesitation he replied, "My learning does fair better when the activities are hands on."

Without fail my stomach made its self known by growing, "You're hungry love, you should eat. Why don't you go shower and I'll call room service?"

I groaned as he released me from his grasp. I got off the bed and stomped to the bathroom, "stupid human...always ruining ever thing Fricke frack gosh dar…I was mumbling frustrations on my way to the shower when I heard him laugh quietly.

"Isn't that my line love," he called.

"Yea yea, whatever," knowing he could hear.

"Don't worry love," holy crap how did he get to me so fast. I suddenly felt to hands grasp me around the waste. "We have eternity to show each other." He kissed my neck softly. With that he flew out and shut the door.

I just sort of stood there with my mouth open in shock. I didn't know what left me more perplexed the fact that he came in while I was undressing, that he could leave me in there so frustrated or the fact that in his simple statement he had said to much.

"Get in the shower Bella, your food will be here soon." I'm sure he still had a cocky smile on his face.

While in the shower I thought about what he had said to me in his successful attempt to leave me all hot and bothered. He may not have meant to but he had let something slip that made my heart soar. He said eternity, implying longer than one lifetime. The more I thought about it the more I remembered hearing words like longer than forever, eternally and things of that nature in our recent conversations. I stood frozen in the shower with my realization. Even if he hadn't come out and said it he had at least thought about it.

He had considered changing me…


	19. The First Question?

Authors note at end

Disclaimer: No copyright intended all characters belong to Stephanie Meyer

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**BPOV**

During my shower I realized that I didn't have clothes to change into....crap. I got out of the shower and realized that there were fresh sweat pants and a t-shirt sitting on the sink. I wondered how much he had to pay the hotel to go shopping for him.

"I got you a few things because I wasn't sure what you would want." He said.

A few was an understatement. There were all sorts of things from appetizers' like wings and fries, breakfast food complete with eggs and bacon, deserts of all sorts and all the way down to a steak dinner with a baked potato. "Edward there is enough food here to feed 10 people."

"I wanted you to have a variety."

After I ate until I could physically chew another bite Edward asked, "I suppose you will want to know about our grade in creative writing, I looked online this morning."

"Um," I was a little confused….and then it clicked, "Oh, OHHH."I had completely forgotten in fact it didn't even register to me. I was completely distracted by Edwards surprise appearance that I hadn't had time to think about it. "You're…Tristan?"

"You seem surprised Bella."

"Well, I guess I hadn't really thought about it, you know since well you know?" It was true I hadn't thought much about anything but him in the past 24 hours, nothing else seemed important. In fact, I hadn't thought to call Charlie to tell him that I was not coming home yesterday, granted I was unconscious but still he was still probably wondering where I was. Edward looked at me as if he was reading my expression.

"Alice already called him, she told him that she ran into you at the mall and that you were staying with her for a few days to catch up."

Great I'm sure Charlie was happy about that, not that he didn't adore Alice but anything that even had the slightest inkling to do with Edward aggravated him profusely.

"So do you want to know?" Edward said somewhat earnestly.

He broke me out of my daze, "…huh …wha….what, know what?"

"Our grade Bella…in our class."

"O, yea. Sure…ok what is it?"

He looked at me with that crooked smile I had missed so much. "We got an A love."

I smiled back, "good cause if we didn't I would just blame it on my partner, which consequently happens to be you."

"Is that so?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Yep." I almost forgot what this was like. Our comedic banter was waking a feeling inside of me that once upon a time had sworn itself never to seek me out again. Yet here the emotion was banging down the door to my heart…and I wasn't going to stop it in fact I was going to greet it with pleasant salutations. Welcome happiness, it's been a long time.

After a while of mindless flirting, I began to slip into the feelings of comfort. I had only been with him again for 24 hours and already it was as if he never left. The whole in my chest wasn't filled because it was like it was never there at all.

"Bella, as much as I am enjoying this I need to ask you something serious."

"Ok…"

"I know that I can never make up for what I did to you but I need to know if you could ever forgive me. I will spend forever trying to make it up to you if you let me please just give me a chance to ma…"

"Promise," I interjected.

I could tell he was taken aback from my interruption. "What?"

"Do you promise everything that you just said is true?"

"Of course Bella, with all that I have."

"Then I forgive you. But of course we will have to talk to Carlisle about the change so we should probably go see them soon." I saw his face realize what he had said and what it implied to me…forever…that implied me becoming a vampire.

"Don't look at me like that Edward, you said you promised."

"Bella," he said firmly.

"Don't even go there Edward, if you really love me the way you say you do then you will want me enough to be with you forever!"

"Bella," he said more sweetly this time, "I was just going to say that I love you and if that is what you want then I would be honored to spend the rest of eternity making it up to you."

"Oh...I actually wasn't expecting that. You mean you're not going to fight me on this at all?"

"No Bella, I'm not. I am done living without you and I meant it when I said I want to spend forever making it up to you, if you will have me. I just have a few more question first, well really only two."

"Ok." I said prompting him to continue.

"Are you ready to go home?"

"Yes, I suppose I am your coming right?"

"I would follow you anywhere love. I just need to do something first."

"What," my eyes met his and they looked at me intensely.

He approached me and wrapped an arm around my face and his other came to caress my cheek. "I have missed every part of you Bella." His face leaned closer, "your smile, your spirit," and closer still, "your hair, your smell," he inhaled deeply, "god Bella how I've missed your smell." I had to keep reminding myself to breathe, especially when his fingers on my waist traced the small patch of skin exposed between where my shirt met my pants. "…and your body, I missed the way your soft body curled against mine when you slept," his lips were so close to mine that we were almost touching now, "but most of all Bella, your lips I've missed your lips and how they fit to mine like they were made as a matching pair to mine." With that, he joined his lips with mine and I was home once again.

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AN: Ok so I owe you guys an apology and an explicnation, I haven't updated in so long for numerous reasons. I have had so many things happen in the last six months that have sort have given me a hard time. I also had major writers block and didn't just want to write things that I would hate later. I am so sorry that I have gone so long without updating. I really love you all for sticking with me and sending me messages not to give up on the story, I won't if you won't!!! Sorry again I really hope your forgive me.


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